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And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw in $20 bills, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.

A man has six items in his bathroom-a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime and a soda. Then he goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies.

When preparing for work, a woman will put on a expensive outfit, then slip on sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk. A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day.

Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.

Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the Laundromat.

A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.]]> http://genderjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry090507-221516 Resources For Attorneys gj@resourcesforattorneys.com Fri, 08 May 2009 03:15:16 GMT http://genderjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=09&m=05&entry=entry090507-221516 http://genderjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry090507-220236
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your pants", she said.

"That's right!", said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family!"

With that, the bride flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."

He tried them on, and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecap. He said, "Hell, I can't get into your panties!"

She said, "That's right and that's the way it's going to be until your attitude changes!"]]> http://genderjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry090507-220236 Resources For Attorneys gj@resourcesforattorneys.com Fri, 08 May 2009 03:02:36 GMT http://genderjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=09&m=05&entry=entry090507-220236 http://genderjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry090507-035424
Well, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs the dog and goes to the garage to hook up his boat to the truck and down the driveway he goes.

As he is coming out of his garage rain is pouring down; it is like a torrential downpour. There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 mph. Minutes later, he returns to the garage.

He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel. He finds it's going to be bad weather all day long, so he puts his boat back in the garage, quietly undresses and slips back into bed.

There he cuddles up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispers,"The weather out there is terrible."

To which she sleepily replies, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"]]> http://genderjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry090507-035424 Resources For Attorneys gj@resourcesforattorneys.com Thu, 07 May 2009 08:54:24 GMT http://genderjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=09&m=05&entry=entry090507-035424 http://genderjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080717-201007
Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous..or what?"

"Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't
pout when I yell at them."]]> http://genderjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080717-201007 Resources For Attorneys gj@resourcesforattorneys.com Fri, 18 Jul 2008 01:10:07 GMT http://genderjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=07&entry=entry080717-201007 http://genderjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080625-151330 Hubby: "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears."
Wife: "You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?"
Hubby: "Yes! I see your picture and ask myself, 'what problem could be greater than this one?'"

Husband: "What are you doing?"
Wife: "Nothing."
Husband: "Nothing? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."
Wife: "I was looking for the expiration date."

A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor."

Boy: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries and troubles and lighten your burden."
Girl: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles."
Boy: "Well, that's because we aren't married yet."

Wife: "Do you want dinner?"
Husband: "Sure. What are my choices?"
Wife: "Yes or no."]]> http://genderjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080625-151330 Resources For Attorneys gj@resourcesforattorneys.com Wed, 25 Jun 2008 20:13:30 GMT http://genderjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=06&entry=entry080625-151330 http://genderjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080523-214429
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change & she does.

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman: before marriage & after.
]]> http://genderjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080523-214429 Resources For Attorneys gj@resourcesforattorneys.com Sat, 24 May 2008 02:44:29 GMT http://genderjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080523-214429 http://genderjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080523-214224
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.

Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die. ]]> http://genderjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080523-214224 Resources For Attorneys gj@resourcesforattorneys.com Sat, 24 May 2008 02:42:24 GMT http://genderjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080523-214224 http://genderjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080516-220947
2. We can cry and get out of speeding tickets.

3. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

4. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

5. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

6. We'll never regret piercing our ears.

7. We can fully assess a person just by looking at her or his shoes.

8. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

9. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).

10. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.]]> http://genderjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080516-220947 Resources For Attorneys gj@resourcesforattorneys.com Sat, 17 May 2008 03:09:47 GMT http://genderjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080516-220947 http://genderjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080511-193835 Both of them.

Why did the man cross the road?
He heard the chicken was a slut.

How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.

Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.

How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know; it has never happened.

Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
They all already have boyfriends.]]> http://genderjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080511-193835 Resources For Attorneys gj@resourcesforattorneys.com Mon, 12 May 2008 00:38:35 GMT http://genderjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080511-193835 http://genderjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080504-222747
The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month, and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three... You only get one wish!"

The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly, and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"

The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!!

Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete -- how much steel!! No, think of another wish."

The man said, "OK, I'll try to think of a really good wish."

Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive.

So, I wish that I could understand women, know how they feel inside, and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment. Know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say "nothing,", know how to make them truly happy."

The genie said, "Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?"]]> http://genderjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/index.php?entry=entry080504-222747 Resources For Attorneys gj@resourcesforattorneys.com Mon, 05 May 2008 03:27:47 GMT http://genderjokes.resourcesforattorneys.com/comments.php?y=08&m=05&entry=entry080504-222747